Today I sat on my host sister’s hair. It was not on her head at the time, thus my mistake. It wasn’t her real hair, obviously, just one of her wigs. Wigs are just a part of life here it seems. Women really don’t seem to like their natural hair. This makes me sad, because I like to think if I had the sturdy volume of African curls I would work an afro quite nicely. Top it with a cute headband? Yes, please! Alas, my Tchadian comrades disagree and seriously prefer the look of wigs, or the very least braids, usually covered by a headscarf anyway.
My host sister, Lily, is a textbook case of this, changing her hair at least once a week. I think she might have worn one particular week for two weeks, but that was one she was especially fond of. I still remember the first time she changed her hair it rather confused me. It was still early in my time here and it was hard enough for me to recognize who was who, and all the hair changing certainly did not make this task any easier. You see, having grown up surrounded by a vast majority of white/Caucasian people, I learned quickly to recognize people by their hair. So much so that when people I know get drastic haircuts, I often have to do a double-take to recognize who it is. When I cut off enough of my hair to donate for the first time, I realized just how central hair can be to our identity. With my curls gone and my hair a good 8 inches shorter, I felt like I was in disguise just going to the grocery store (which admittedly was kind of fun).
Anyway, being here I have learned to recognize people by their other traits, like facial features, stature, or voice. More importantly, I’m remembering people based on conversations we have, rather than what they look like. Which I like to think is a good thing. Women here enjoy changing their hair the way women at home like to change their jewelry. It’s fun to play around with how different styles look with different outfits for different occasions. But as far as hair and other accessories go, I personally hope their come second to personality and substance. Being someone with fairly unique, memorable hair, I enjoy sharing a good laugh with friends when I brush out my curls and end up with a giant blonde afro. But when I’m 100 years old in the nursing home, I don’t want my old classmates to see me and say “hey, aren’t you that girl with the big hair?” I’d much rather be stopped in my wheelchair by an old classmate who said “hey, you’re the girl who I had some great talks with!”
I guess my point is that while hair is fun, and it can be a big part of how people recognize us, it’s important not to make it our identity. Just like anything we wear, it can be an expression of who we are or what we’re feeling, but too often we’re met by the message that if you don’t have perfect shiny tresses than no one will notice you, and that if no one notices you then you’re worthless. FALSE!
Not to say that Tchadian women have figured this out completely either. But being here and seeing this has made me realize the importance of focusing on features besides what people wear on their heads and bodies. I think it would make for an interesting social experiment if all we womenfolk of America were to shave our heads and see how much longer it took for us to recognize one another. Men too, actually.
But then again, it’s a lot colder back home than it is here in Tchad, and hair often serves the practical function of warmth. So maybe let’s not. But still…think about it. Because I said so.
p.s. fun story about hair: Papa once came home with his hair freshly shaved off. I jokingly commented to Maman that she should try the same style. “No no no, that is not a style for women,” she replied adamantly. “That would mean I’m trying to look like a man!” Here Papa joined in saying, “It’s like when men wear their hair long, or braid it – they are trying to look like women! That is NOT good.” Well, I guess it’s a good thing all the photos I have here of my mother were taken since I convinced her to grow her hair out, or they might think she was a man! I did explain that in the States plenty of women wear their hair short, and explained how many people find it easier to take care of that way, but my host parents were unconvinced; Women: wear your hair long or braided/covered, men: short is the style for you. It seems most of the country is of the same mindset, as I rarely – if ever – see any exceptions.