I miss it for different reasons on different days. Through most of Winter I missed it for the heat. When I have a busy day at work I miss it for the down time. When life gets to feeling mundane I miss it for the adventure.
Lately I’ve been missing it for my [host] family.
Last night I had a terrible dream that I had been in Tchad for a visit and had spent a few days with my host family. I loved the time with them, but definitely took it for granted. Then I spent a few days doing some work things and stayed with some other folks. Suddenly it was time for me to leave Tchad and I only had a few minutes to gather my things and rush goodbyes with my family. Sweet Minga was so disappointed – she had so much more she wanted to show me. Maman was upset – she wanted to prepare a large meal and invite the neighborhood for a farewell feast. My brothers weren’t even home, and Papa, while disappointed, was the solid one and accepted it for what it was, but I knew he wished it weren’t so rushed.
When I woke up all I could see was the loving sadness in Maman’s eyes. Eyes that said “don’t go” and “stay for one last dinner with us.” I wanted so bad to catch a plane this morning and just hug Maman and thank her for her giving spirit. I wanted to sit for hours and listen to everything Minga had to tell me and teach me. I wanted to talk to Shisem and Nerambaye and hear all about how they are doing as they live away from home for the first time. I wanted to just soak in Papa’s wisdom for days.
I’m finally learning to be content where I am though.
I love my new job working at Bethany. I love knowing I’m helping families come together and I love using my organizational skills and sometimes even my French skills (though very rarely). I love that I’m making a difference in something bigger than myself, and I pray that I can carry that feeling into any other jobs I may have in my life.
I’m living with two great roommates in a great part of town where I can watch the sun set through our beautiful wooded backyard every night. I’m even able to make it around town without using my GPS most of the time. I’m close to my family and friends and my coworkers are wonderful. I’m volunteering in the infant nursery at church every Sunday and joined a bible study with some great girls (shout out to Team Ride or Die!).
But just because I have so much going right for me here doesn’t mean it’s easy for me to be right back where I started. Home isn’t just Grand Rapids anymore. My mom will tell you that “Home is Wherever Mom is” and she’s right. But thanks to all the cool experiences I’ve had, there are pieces of home in N’Djamena, and Asheville, and even Ann Arbor. And I don’t doubt for a second that home is going to be a lot more places before I’m through.
But for now I’m practicing being content where I am. It’s harder than you might think, but I’m trying. We're living in a time and a culture that supports wanderlust like mine. And with how easy it is to travel these days, why shouldn't it? But I need to take some time to be introspective and make sure my wanderlust is coming from a place that is good, and that I'm not just trying to run away from me.
I've put a lot of work into soul searching lately. I love how much I learn about the world and people when I travel. But when I'm back home - the "home" that has been home since I was a kid - I can rest in the familiar and look at who I've become and who I am becoming.
And, for now, I think I’m doing okay.
That being said, it doesn’t hurt to reminisce with a few photo of “home” over the last few years…right??